Suru

Stuck With Me

2011-01-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

No doubt the two biggest part of my year was coping with death and meeting a new guy. This I tell you is a bad combination even in the best cases. When you lose someone there is that hole in your heart/life. You feel that you are missing something or someone. You feel a lot of pain and you just want that pain gone. You become vulnerable; you become hurt, upset, sad and other emotions that are associated with grieving. There is a big reason that they say when someone dies or when you just get out of a divorce you shouldn’t jump right into dating. It’s because you need time to yourself. You need time to heal and you need time to let yourself go through all those emotions and learn that you are fine. That you are fine by yourself and although having someone there is amazing, you can also stand on your own. Not surprising, I’m not the best griever not that there is a best way to grieve. I would not say I grieved in the worst way but I grieved pretty badly. I didn’t grieve. Not surprising, I didn’t give myself time to let my emotions show. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to look at it as if nothing has to change and life just has to stay normal. I didn’t talk about it enough. How could I not talk about something so major and life changing with the people around me? I didn’t grieve. What made it worse was that I met someone and that made it even easier for someone like me who already didn’t want to acknowledge my situation to not. Meeting him gave me something to be excited about in a time when I was not that excited about much. I became so open to him so quickly. I told him things about me that I normally would not have told someone I just met. It became my gateway to excitement. I’ve met a lot of great people in my life so it wasn’t because I met someone great. He just happened to come at a time when I felt empty and he filled that emptiness. That wasn’t his hole to fill though. When we lose people, no one else can replace them we just learn to move on. By him sort of filling in and taking away some of that pain, I got attached to him more than I should have. He’s a great guy but for a guy who didn’t even show me as much affection and didn’t even want the same things I wanted, I normally would not have gotten so attached. Now he is no longer mine not that he was ever really all mine but now he has moved on. Now that hole he was filling has gotten so much bigger and in many ways I now have to grieve doubly. I’m learning to take things slow and realize that even though I like to be strong. Even though I hate to be that girl that’s hurt over a guy, that’s just what I have to be right now. It doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t make me pathetic. In fact it makes me human. I’m learning to let go of all the mistakes I made with him such as not letting him go sooner. I realize now that it’s not my fault that he wasn’t open-minded enough to me. I’m ready to move on but this time I’ll let that happen slowly. And I will tell myself that no it does not make me pathetic. It means that I am human and I was vulnerable and a little unlucky on my part, that I met someone that did not want the same things I wanted. It bothers me that he wasn’t open-minded enough to some ideas but I just have to remember that the only person you can change is yourself.

In 2011, I hope I get back to myself again. Meaning, I pray to have been healed from the death and to have moved on from him. I know that if these two things happen well then everything else will fall into place with how I handled things before 2010. If a new guy comes along I will handle it and have the right mindset as I did before. This time I’ll make better decisions and stick to it.

The Year in News

2010-12-29T15:23:00.000-05:00

Here are most searched news of 2010 according to Google. 2010 went by so fast I can't even believe how fast it went for me.
A Year of Crisis
There was the European debt crisis, the high unemployment rates, the Thailand political crisis. Sadly I didn't hear much about the Thailand crisis but here is the wiki link here (not wikileaks lol).

A Year of Achievements
The one that stands out most to me is the first full facial transplant. On March 20, 2010, a team of 30 Spanish doctors carried out the first full face transplant on a man injured in a shooting accident.

The 31-year-old was unable to eat, speak or breathe normally since he was disfigured in a gun accident in 2005. The operation enabled him to eat soft foods, drink liquids and to shave again. Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/slideshow/health/2010/07/26/worlds-face-transplant-patient/#ixzz19Wqqdix5

A Year of Tragedy

There was the Gulf Oil Spill. It seemed like this was on the news forever. I'm just glad the spill is over and I hope the recovery is going good. There was the floods in Pakistan, China earthquake and Chile earthquake. Who can also forget the Haiti earthquake?

A Year of Milestones
The end of combat mission in Iraq. Costa Rica elects first woman president and so did Brazil. (When is our turn Nigeria)

A Year of Goodbyes
We said goodbye to JD Salinger, the author of the Catcher in the Rye (one of my fav books). Goodbye to Alexander McQueen, Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman and countless others including someone very close to me. That is life, it's full of goodbyes and hellos.

A Year of Hellos
Hello to South Africa! This World Cup was amazing and it was the first one in Africa. There was the vuvuzelas that made headlines for their sound. The music was great and so was the African spirit. A special thanks to Ghana for making us all proud. I'm still disappointed at the way they went out but I'm so proud of their effort. Oh and Tshabalala! Don't ask why but his name was fun to say.

A Year of Surprises
The Bed Intruder (everyone better had watch this video by now), The Chilean miners safe rescue, Wikileaks, and so much more.

2010 definitely had character.

Back to the Start

2010-12-28T14:40:00.000-05:00

I guess I'm back.
I always seem to leave this place as I get close to establishing myself.
I'm sorry I left so abruptly
I'm not sure why I left
But I know why I'm back

My Grass is Green

2010-05-10T01:32:00.003-04:00

How much time flies. My first year of college is over and wow! what? It feels like yesterday. I remember starting this blog at the end of the summer and having to abandon it because school was a handful. I really wanted to devote some time to blogging and give it a full shot. I'm so glad I did because even though I might not write as much as I want to, I am grateful to be part of this blogging community.
Roommates - Freshmen usually get crappy rooms but mine was really nice even though I had more than one roommate. My roommates drank every Thursday night to Saturday night, smoked weed which was really annoying because of the smell. I complained to them so they didn't do it as much in the room which was fine with me. I didn't care that they smoked, I just didn't want to deal with the smell. They also experimented with drugs I know they did ecstasy a couple of times. I only take pills when I really really have to so I didn't really understand why people would do drugs that are dangerous for them when they didn't have to. My roommates were also dirty. Damn I didn't know that girls could be so dirty. The bathroom was gross, the trash would stink and the fridge smelled rotten. Now that I think about it I don't know how I survived them. The crazy thing is that I'm going to miss not rooming with them next year. They had their faults but I found them really interesting.I didn't talk much to them but I listened a lot and I have a better perspective on white people in general. As a college student my grades are not as not as great as they were before college but I've learned sooo much more than just grades. I might have to do a whole 'nother post on white people and what I've learned about them this past year. For now, here's a song lyric by Macy Gray that relates to how I feel.

Someone once told me the grass is much greener
On the other side

And I paid a visit
well, it's possible I missed it
It seemed different, yet exactly the same (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Til further notice (til further notice)
I'm in-between (i'm in between)
From where I'm standing (from where in standing)
My grass is green

Someone once told me the grass is much greener
On the other side

PS: How do you know if you have chicken pox? That might sound stupid but I've never had chicken pox and I have a couple of itchy rashy looking thing on my back. It's probably just heat rash but my mom didn't get chicken pox till she was 19 so I feel like I can still get it. Do you guys remember your CP experience? How was it? I know my mom said it was horrible and she even had to shave off her hair. I hope I never get it but then again maybe that's a bad thing lol

Relieved? Yes

2010-05-06T02:26:00.003-04:00

Exams? Done. Sleep? Deprived. Clothes? Packed.
I can't believe how fast this school year went. I'm going home tomorrow and I will probably hibernate in my room for a week to destress. I will also be back to fully blogging.

Ten Things I Love

2010-04-20T17:18:00.003-04:00

I was tagged by Myne to write ten things I love so here it goes.

Words, Quotes and Proverbs - I love words. They have so much power. When I speak I like using different words. I've also lived and have been influenced by different environments which sometimes effs up my writing but makes my speaking great. You might catch me speaking American English, British English, Yoruba, Spanish, Spanglish, US street talk, Pidgen etc. I guess u can call me multilingual. I also love quotes. My fav. being Nietzsche's quote "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" or as I say, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I also can't get enough of proverbs...

School - Call me a geek but I love school. It's not my fault it has always been a major part of my life. Lately we have a love hate relationship. The amount of work I get lately is ridi-culous!

Names - I love names! one of my favorite Yoruba proverbs says, Ile lan wo kato somo loruko - we look at he house/family before we name the child. I don't understand when people give their children names that they just randomly choose because it sounds nice or they wanna be "unique." Abeg name your child something that means something to you. I don't mean you have to go as far as our presido's father naming him Goodluck because he thought his son was lucky. Even if you name your child Adam, let it mean something like maybe it was your grandpa's name or maybe Adam means something special to you from the bible. Hope u get the point.

Cake - I have the wildest sweet tooth and cake is just one thing I can never get enough of.

Weddings - Gosh I just love weddings! I love hearing their stories, how they met, the proposal then the wedding itself. I love seeing the traditional wedding which personally I think is more beautiful and the standard which is also beautiful.

Music - Life couldn't be the same for me without music.

My laptop - I'm addicted to my laptop. When I use anyone else's computer I get paralyzed. You would think I didn't know how to use a computer. Me and my laptop belong together.

Checking out women - I am not a lesbian! I just admire women. I don't know when this uncanny habit began but I know that I do it. One day my friend caught me staring at her boobs and I knew I was staring at them but I was admiring them because well, I thought she was kinda flatchested until she wore a low top that day and I realized that she wasn't. I also look at boobs to compare the different shapes and sizes. I also love to look at women's outfits and pick out what I love and don't. Trust me I'm not gay. 100% into men but I still don't mind admiring something good when I see it. Male or female.

Knowledge Junkie - I am on my way to becoming a knowledge junkie if there was such a thing. I know a bunch of stupid crap. I google the most random people and learn about them. It never hurts to learn right?

Blogging - I love to blog! I'm so happy that I took that step from being a silent creeping reader to having my own blog. I love this community. I love it so much that staying away for the next 2 weeks is gonna be hard. But I have to get my academics in order since the school year is ending.
Adios Amigos.

I tag...... 2cute4u, NakedSha, NBB, Neefemi, Rene, Mwajim Al and anyone else who wants to do this. Sorry I'm in a hurry and can't individually link your names to your blogs.

This Type Love

2010-04-16T16:44:00.003-04:00

Ever watched something and thought, wow I wish that was about me. Or read something and wished you had written it? Well this makes me feel that way everytime so I want to share with you all in case you haven't seen him. Here is a poet, Shihan, on Def Jam Poetry. Watch it and be amazed. Also check out his other videos, they're all good.

I want a love like
Me thinking of you
Thinking of me thinking of you type love
Or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself
About how I feel about you type love
Or hating how jealous you are
But loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
Or see how your first name just sound so good next to my last name
And shit I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you
And I barely made it out of my garage

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep
And wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love
Or who loves the other more
Or what she’s doing this exact moment
Or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good
Could hurt so much when she’s not there
And shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
All around the how she she never forgets how much I love her type love
And not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love
And hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel

And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me
The way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love
Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves
And just like in high school
I want to spend hours on the phone not saying shit
And then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me
And smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try counting the ways I love her
And lose count in the middle just so I have to start all over again
And I want to celebrate one of those one month anniversaries
Even though they ain’t really anniversaries
But doing it just ‘cause it make her happy type love
And, check this, I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays
When none of us dialed into it type love
And talk to you until I lose my breathe
She leaves me breathless
But with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me

I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan
To something allows me to talk to her longer
‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time
To love you as long as I’d like to type love
And I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter
Just thinking about how strong this love is type love
And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
Maybe like I cut the split ends and trim my moustache
But it would still be a symbol of how strong my love for her

And check this, I kind of feel comfortable now
So I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light
Just dying to get hit by a car
Just so I could lose my memory
Get transported to some third world country just to get treated
Then somehow meet up again with you so I can fall in love with you
In a different language and see if it still feels the same type love
I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is
But I’m married, so she’s gonna be the one I share this love with

Is there something in the water?

2010-04-13T21:04:00.003-04:00

Is it me or is blogsville tense lately? Maybe it's the seasonal change.... Oya who wants ICE CREAM? Which flavor is your favorite? I will supply it. Or you all want to play Ludo instead? Anyways let's all breath :)

Love SURU

43 Things A Girl Wished Her Boyfriend Knew

2010-04-08T13:09:00.002-04:00

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.

#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.

#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.

#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.

#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.

#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful.

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

#13 When she's scared, protect her.

#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.

#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.

#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.

#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

#25 Don't let her have the last word.

#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.

#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.

#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.

#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.

#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to
her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.

#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.

#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

#37 Let her into your world.

#38 Let her wear your clothes.

#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

#40 Let her know she's important.

#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.

One of my Facebook friends joined this fan page and I read it and thought it was pretty interesting. One of those things that make you go awwww.

The irresistible subject

2010-04-03T16:20:00.005-04:00

I once watched a movie about this US fighter pilot in WWI fighting the Germans in France. There he met a girl who he fell deeply in love with. She had to move because of the war, but they promised to look for each other in Paris when it was over. After the war, he never found her and he had to go back to the US. He later owned a ranch and married another woman. For him, she was the love that got away and vice-versa. It made me think about many people out there that have that special someone that no matter if they're still together or not, they'll always love. It's a great bond that is hard to break.

This is not really related to my thought above but here's more of my thoughts. I wasn't really trying to write a poem I just kinda wrote my thoughts in that format.

I know something special when I see one and you my dear are special.
I smile thinking about you and the moments we’ve shared.
I’m afraid at the rate in which I’m falling for you.
I’m amazed at how comfortable you make me feel.
You’ve wooed me with your charm and chivalry.
You make me strive to be better.
You want me just the way I am.
For this my dear you’re special.
Although we’re only at the beginning,
I hope it never gets to the end.
You’re worth fighting for
But I know I don’t have to fight for you.
You laugh at my corny jokes,
You ask me how my day was,
And you listen to my reply.
Our distance makes my heart grow fonder
Babe I can't wait for this summer with you

PS - I love reading all your blogs and some of you need to stop talking about twitter and making me jealous. I wanna get one but I'm gonna wait till the summer when schoolwork is over cos I know that thing is addicting. I guess then you guys will get to see what I look like and know my identity.

Selfish Subway Prayer

2010-03-30T17:49:00.004-04:00

It was March 29 at about 10am. I was sitting in my Islam class when my professor asked us if we had heard about the subway bombings in Russia. At that time, the news said 35 people died. Some people in my class heard about it but I didn't. The professor then asked this girl who had family in Russia if she heard about it and she said no. She was visibly shaken and asked if anyone knew what subway station it happened at. No one did and the class went off topic to discussing Russia's government. Suddenly the professor interrupted the discussion and asked the girl if she wanted to leave. She replied "no" but she was obviously holding back tears. Then she started crying and the professor encouraged her to leave and she did. I couldn't even imagine how she must have felt to be so far from home and know that her family could be dead. She had probably talked to them last week and now, on what seemed like any regular morning, she may never hear from them again. After she left, the class got really quiet but eventually conversation resumed to normal. All I could think of was the girl, so silently I started praying for her. I prayed that none of her family members were killed or injured.
Later that afternoon I was thinking about it again and realized something. My prayer was selfish. Before I prayed, I knew that people had died but I prayed that it wasn't the girl's family. That means that someone else was going to lose a member of their family. I thought, who was I to ask that this family be saved over this family? How selfish was that? That's when I realized all the selfish prayers we pray. I mean no one wishes for something bad to happen but sometimes by wishing it's not us, we're wishing it's someone else.
For example, when you go for an interview and you pray to get the job, well that prayer is selfish. Someone else is not going to get the job. When you hear that there's been a car accident and you pray it's no one you know, indirectly you're praying it's someone else. That's a selfish prayer. So maybe next time when you pray that selfish prayer because well honestly it's hard not to, also pray that your selfish prayers be forgiven.
I haven't heard anything about the girl but I have that class tomorrow so maybe she'll show up. I wish those bombs had never happened but I selfishly pray that it wasn't any member of her family that died. I ask God to forgive my selfish prayer.

911 for Naija

2010-03-26T15:40:00.001-04:00

I haven't updated in a while but I've been really busy. Spring break was really goooood. I went home and I met up with a lot of my friends from high school. I even went to an event at my old high school. It was strange to go back.
PS - I am no longer reading Nigerian news. I only used to read about Nigerian current events once in a while but lately it's been everyday. I read something yesterday about the terrible education system in Nigeria. It just keeps getting worse and really a whole generation is affected by this. This was the last straw. I'm pissed off and don't want it getting to me. Nigeria is a failing state and in great danger. I'm grateful to be here in the US but its terrible to know a lot of my cousins don't have half the opportunities I have. UGH!!! Done.

Damn I can't remember what I even wanted to write about now. See this is exactly why I'm done with Nigerian news for now. Will have to do another post if I ever remember then.

So my mom/mum (which ever your prefer) is thinking about sending my younger brothers to Nigeria. They're 13 and 11. Do you guys know any good boarding schools in Lagos? Drop some names please. Also they've never been to Nigeria before so any tips for me to offer them? I'm personally thinking about putting some condoms in their luggage. They're not having sex but mehn I don't know how those boarding schools are. Or is that extreme? lol I mean they'll be 12 and 14 by the time they go and girls will definitely be flocking over them. They don't want to go and I don't quite blame them but I think they'll love it. I'm also thinking about telling my mom to hire a personal chef for them. Is that too much? Okay just kidding about the chef but eating mostly naija food is gonna be tough on them. Oh the mischievous sister in me can't help but laugh at the future that awaits them. I feel for them, naija no even get 911.

Study Break

2010-03-08T21:20:00.003-05:00

Taking a study break.
Why?
Why do I want to run with the wild horses?
Because wild horses are beautiful and free.
Why do I not have an ipod?
Because you never wanted one because you were so anti-Apple until now.
Why do I have a green phone?
Because you're super cool and that's your favorite color.
Why am I writing this?
Because studying for exams and writing papers are driving you crazy.
Why have I unusually not gotten a cold all winter?
Because... who knows just because
Why is Jos on my mind?
Because helpnigeria.blogspot.com

Hmm so let me share my thoughts for a second. If a Muslim and a Christian get married, how exactly will the wedding be planned. Has anyone attended a Muslim/Christian wedding? Would there have to be two weddings like one in a church and one in a mosque? Do Muslims even have their weddings in a mosque? I've never been to one so I don't know. Is it possible for an interfaith marriage to work? What if the bride and groom have the same culture and they truly love each other?
Well I gotta go. I'm writing this in a library and my friend just came. I like having this be my space. I'm not worried about anything I've written on here but I still like it being my space. Peace and Love.

Church and State

2010-03-02T22:34:00.003-05:00

This semester I decided to start going to church again. Partly for people around me to back off and partly to try it out in my new city. I went to this Nigerian church with my friend last month. It was a small church and didn't have that many members. The youth there were mostly fresh of the plane going through their awkward transition phase. But something else struck me. How is it that every single church I've ever been to, they're always asking for a building fund? Why are churches always try to build bigger especially ones who can't even manage what they have. I mean this church I went to had other things they could have been focusing on first. They barely had members and half were youth so are they trying to steal to get this money? They were unorganized with their various groups. They were also experimenting with different Sunday orders of worship. You would think it's a new church but it's been around for over seven years. Even, shouldn't they be praying for some divine guidance instead? I'm not an unbeliever ooh! I just think most churches are more worried about they physical aspect of service than the spiritual. Even most prayers and sermons are about achieving material stuff with a small portion on a relationship with God etc. On another note, Nigeria, my dear country, is starting to embarrass me. I can't even lie. In ALL of my classes Nigeria is being talked about. Some not as much but its pretty much the same theme. Nigeria has oil, is very very corrupt, is a could be that isn't, could be rich but is not, could be democratic but is not, could be a dominant internationally but is not. Can the country please get its act together and turn us into a success story? Look at how Saudi Arabia use their oil money and look at how we do. We even talked about the Muslim vs. Christian conflicts. What is with the fighting?

Random but relevant

“An Ibo man may be... an Owerri Ibo or an Onitsha Ibo in what is the Eastern region of Nigeria. In Lagos, he is simply an Ibo man. In London, he is a Nigerian. In New York, he is an African.” – From my poli sci book...

JayZ says he does not believe in religion because it separates people, but he does believe in one God. (hmm what do you think?)

Calling all ladies and gentlemen of blogsville

2010-02-26T16:09:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone! How is it going? Good I hope. If not good then at least you're alive and you have a home. Well as of right now some people are either dead or displaced. We all know about the crisis in Haiti but how about in our homeland. In Jos. Well pretty pretty please please check out my new blog http://helpnigeria.blogspot.com/ and GET INVOLVED. We need everyone's participation.

Thanks and remember charity begins at home.
Damn I sound like an infomercial but hope you get the urgency of this. Also I would appreciate it if you post the link on your next blog post so more people can know about this.
SURU

#21 The Story of Kuddhabodhi

2010-02-24T22:19:00.001-05:00

A Tale of Subduing Anger

Born to a noble family of Brahmans who owned a large flourishing estate, the Bodhisattva devoted his life to learning. His name was Kuddhabodhi. By the time he was fully grown his fame among the learned had spread far and wide. He married a beautiful woman who loved him deeply.

Because of his constant practice of the Dharma, he eventually reached the stage of wisdom where the idea of renunciation was so familiar that the life of the householder no longer gave him pleasure. Disturbed by the suffering of greed, quarrels, war, and attachment that are inherent in the householder's life, he decided to take up the life of an ascetic.

His wife insisted that she join him and become an ascetic as well. Although he tried to dissuade her, saying the ascetic life is difficult and dangerous and not suitable for a woman, she entered the woods with him anyway. She looked brilliant and attractive in her simple robes as she meditated in the shade of a tree. One day a king passed through their forest domain and after the usual ceremonious greeting with Kuddhabodhis, he saw the beautiful women and was poisoned with lust. She seemed to glow, enchanting the world around her. The king became utterly lost in desire, contriving a plan to take the young woman away to his palace. However, the king had heard about the terrible wrath that can ensue from wronging an ascetic and was afraid of being cursed. He decided he needed to test Kuddhabodhi's power. Because ascetics are supposed to live the life of non-attachment, the king decided that if he saw Kuddhabodhi was still attached to his companion, that he surely had no exceptional power and would not be able to harm him. He questioned Kuddhabodhi, asking what he would do if someone kidnapped his wife. The bodhisattva replied that if that happened, he would never let his enemy escape. This reply seemed to indicate that he was still full of attachment and passion and therefore was no true ascetic. The king ordered his men to carry off Kuddhabodhi's wife to his palace in the city.

Kuddhabodhi watched them take his wife away and appeared oblivious to her cries. Confused by this, the king then taunted Kuddhabodhi, asking why he was not following through with his threat, and how he was going to attempt to keep them from leaving. Kuddhabodhi replied that the enemy he was to keep imprisoned was not them, but that the enemy he was referring to was anger. He would not let his anger escape from him, telling the king that even in the face of such a crime, he would keep his rage controlled while focusing his mind on the virtue of forbearance. The king realized that he had been mistaken about Kuddhabodhi and that he was in fact a powerful ascetic. He bowed to Kuddhabodhi and apologized, returned his wife, and vowed to serve him from then on.

From the famous Indian text presenting 34 morality tales drawn from the previous life stories of the historical buddha, Shakyamuni.

I'll Get Him Hot, Show Him What I've Got

2010-02-21T02:04:00.003-05:00

She can go lower than I ever really thought she could - Face down - {ASS UP!}
The top of yo' booty jigglin outcho' jeans, baby pull yo' pants up!
I like it when I see you do it, better than I've ever seen I done befo'
A lot of, women, drop it to the ground, but HOW - LOW - CAN YOU GO?
Maybe It's Time To Put This Pussy On Ya Sideburns,
He Say I’m Bad, He Problly Right,
He Pressing Me Like Button Downs On A Friday Night
I'mma give it to you harder
Tonight
I'mma turn your body out
Relax
The way, that booty movin' - I can't take no more
Have to stop what I'm doin', so I can pull up her close
I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
Damn Girl!!!
Damn, you's a sexy bitch, sexy bitch!
Damn, you's a sexy bitch!

If you can’t tell, these are snippets from current popular music. I’m for freedom of speech and for low censorship but sometimes some of the stuff I read or see makes me feel that maybe censorship should be tighter. These songs are everywhere, on the radio, the internet, tv etc. I feel like why should children be exposed to this? Why would seven year olds have access to this song? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard children sing inappropriate songs. Whether we like it or not, the culture that these songs bring will affect them. They are obviously disrespectful to women and some of them are promoted by women. (One time this little boy asked my little cousin if her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard). I feel like there’s only much parents can do to protect their children and it’s sad the effect I’ve seen first-hand with music and children. I’m not exactly sure what can be done. I guess we have to promote a culture that respects themselves and each other so more great songs can be written with respect.

I want to say a BIG thank you to everyone that reads my blog. And to those who make the effort to comment, I truly appreciate it!

I Love College

2010-02-15T01:14:00.002-05:00

I’ve been trying to blog about college but there’s so much I just never know where to start. Every day has been interesting to say the least. I LOVE COLLEGE!!! The song “I Love College” by Asher Roth was playing the other day so I thought it’ll be interesting to use it in this post.

I Love College Lyrics + More

“I'm nice right now, man
I-I feel good
If you have a drink
Would you please put it in the air?” (Alcoholic drinks in red plastic cups? Yep this sounds like my college. Pregaming in someone’s room which is pretty much getting drunk at night before heading somewhere else after that is part of the weekend process. Or weekdays for some. After getting drunk or fucked up for some, then it’s usually time to head out and mostly it’s to a party.)

“That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it
I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked” (So many parties I wish were taped! When the night out is at a club we usually go because ladies are free but by the time we get there it’s no longer free. Womp! The girls are mostly dressed in a way that screams “easy access fuck me right now.” No sir, call me dull but if I can barely walk because of ridiculously uncomfortable heels and my dress don’t cover my ass I’m not wearing it. Even sometimes I’ve been dancing ok grinding don’t judge lol when I’ll realize my dress needs to be pulled down so yeah imagine those girls whose dress isn’t even covering their ass to begin with and I mostly wear leggings or skinny jeans to a club anyway. I’ve only been to a white frat party a couple of times but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were getting naked somewhere in there. And yes in my school there is a huge difference between a white frat party and a black one. This is stereotyping I admit but the white frats are mostly about chillin, drinkin, talkin, smokin, druggin and sexin. Black frats are mostly about dancin, grindin, drinkin and talkin to get some sexin later)
“Drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all I need
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again” (If there’s one thing I really dislike, it’s smoking. I’ve never done it and plan never to. Okay I won’t lie one time back as a youngin in naija me and my cuzzo decided to roll up paper really tight and light it up. It was unsuccessful as you can imagine so I don’t really count that. Okay another time in naija me and the same cuzzo tried to smoke used cigs we found but that didn’t work either. So it shouldn’t count right? I think that’s when I realized how stupid smoking was and decided never to try it again even though I never actually tried the real thing. But um back to college. My roommates smoke so much weed I think they’re just weedheads. They will smoke anytime of the day and then they even smoke it at parties. I got really upset one day and told them to stop smoking it in the room and they stopped for a while. Then they started again. I was about to pop off on them but when I mentioned it to my mom she got scared. Momsy said I should move out. When I told her they were nice other than the weed thing she said they might try to kill me. Kill me ke? This is when fear hit me as in why would she even think such a thing. She said since I told them to stop but since they like it so much they might try to get rid of me weedblocking them and kill me. This woman got me thinking about all kinds of stuff these people could do to me. I didn’t move out but I’ve been letting them smoke and I just leave the room when they do it. It’s not worth dying over. haha
“Man, I love college” (Nonetheless MEHN, I LOVE COLLEGE! Where else will I experience this again? I’ve learned so much about people and how to improve myself. This is only the first verse so I’ll be doing the rest later.

Thank You Mother Nature

2010-02-11T22:00:00.003-05:00

College work was about to kill me but then Mother Nature came to my rescue. Snow baby!!! I never loved snow so much in my life. It snowed about 30 inches so my classes were canceled this week but class resumes tomorrow. Thanks to the break, I've been able to get resettled and I've even had time to read your blogs.
I need a blog identity! Somehow I've forgotten why I wanted to start a blog in the first place. Hopefully I can remember so I can feel like my blog has more purpose than just another place for me to write. I was upset by something this week so I'm going to rant for a bit. I have a little brother that's eleven. He's so studious and he has a big heart and will question you to death because he is so curious about EVERYTHING. Last week in his school, one of those stupid, rude boys were making fun of him. He didn't respond to the boy and just went to lunch since it was lunch time. The boy came up to him and said he heard my brother was saying stuff back to him. He punched my brother and then they started fighting. He and my brother got suspended from school for a day. My brother was so angry and hurt and so was I. Why do these boys feel the need to bully other boys. They act like they have no home training and they are so disrespectful to everyone. I remember when I first came to America a lot of the boys would tease me so much. They made fun of my accent, they called my a dirty booty scratching African and treated me like some rotten creature. The worst part about this was that they were black Americans. Eventually we moved and I went to a better school and I also developed a voice for myself. I was able to stand up to others and I also made some great friends. And I didn't have my Nigerian accent anymore so I guess I didn't seem fresh off the plane. I wish I still had my accent but it wasn't that thick to begin with so it went away fast :( I think it still comes out sometimes though out of nowhere. Anyways, most of the discrimination I've experienced is by black people and I would think they would be the ones not to discriminate. Anyways I was actually going to blog about the use of the n word in the Nigerian society but I guess that will wait till another time. Those abroad, please share your stories of discrimination. I have some more I'll share some other time. I really want to hear yours though and also say by what race or ethnicity.

PETA

2010-02-01T02:12:00.004-05:00

I try so hard to stay on top of this blogging thing but there's just too many things going on in my personal life. I apologize if I haven't been reading your posts but I'm slowly getting there.

PETA! I am not a fan of animal torture. I don't even like wearing fur but that has nothing to do animals anyway. I like that there is an organization trying to protect animals but sometimes I'll read stuff about PETA and it just seems like they go overboard. So it was nice and refreshing to hear someone talk back to them. Here is what Kelis had to say below after Peta wrote her a letter condemning her for wearing fur. Although some of what she says is silly I'm just irritated by PETA that it doesn't bother me. If they didn't make things so serious as if it was a human life then I would appreciate what they do more.

Good morning all!

Ok, so you’re gonna love this. The other day I got a personalized letter from PETA! Lol so after some thought I’ve decided to write one back. Goes a little something like this:

There is no humane way to kill anything, let me start there. It’s unfortunate but it’s part of life. With that being said, I would eat pterodactyl if you found some and you told me it was meaty and delicious. And after doing a very minimal amount of research……. I found out that the founder Ingrid Newkirk is completely batty. I had a feeling but she far exceeded my expectations. I mean certifiably insane! Lol this chicks will is nuts, google it – it’s a riot! Beyond the fact that I think she’s a diabetic, which means she needs insulin, which is taken from lab pigs (I know this because my sister happens to be in veterinary school), which would be completely hypocritical. It’s like don’t abuse animals unless it can help me.

I feel very strongly about a lot of things such as the sweatshops that spin cotton and the blood on their hands. Btw it’s not just the look of fur. It’s warm as hell and feels glorious, ever rubbed faux fur on your body? Nothing luxurious about that. Then the letter proceeded to name artist and designers who don’t wear real fur. Great! More for me! I don’t judge them, don’t judge me.

If I started wearing endangered animals like polar bear or orangutan then talk to me. (Which btw for the record I would not – I do believe in the preservation of endangered species) But the minks and chinchilla that quite honestly are rodents and if weren’t in the form of a coat I would demand they be put to death anyway are not an issue to me.

The death of high fashion. Ugh.

I eat meat, and in fact my mouth salivates as I type the word meat! And the paint throwing that’s just ridiculous! What if I was hurling Loubitons and Pierre Hardy’s at every sad poorly dressed person on the street? As right as I may be it’s just fanatical and crazy. And people have the right to feel as they please. What about art? Survival of the fittest. Natural selection? No let’s just let all the rodents run free and over take our cities. Oh wait they have, NY and LA in particular are infested! Why don’t u save them all from scavenging on the streets and ruining my evening strolls, take them home. Make them pets! Get off my back! Pun intended!

Underpaid minorities picking your vegetables, now that’s fine for you right? Please, fight for their rights. How about the poverty in the communities of brown people around the world. She had the nerve to say (and I quote) “get over it” talking of the issue of black people and slavery in this country verses cows being slaughtered. Is she kidding me? Lol yes she must be. Actually, she’s lucky most black people have real issues to worry about in the U.S and don’t give a crap what her delusional privileged opinions are. But she should try saying that again just for kicks n giggles on the corner of Adam Clayton Powell Blvd in Harlem n see how well people “get over it” lol.

If u want to preach do it about something worthwhile don’t waste my time trying to save the dang chipmunk.

Find a worthwhile cause like the women being maimed in these Middle Eastern countries. Or female circumcision. Or women’s rights here in America, we still get paid less for doing the same jobs as men. Quite honestly if you hate the world so much go live in the forest where no one else has to hear you complain about the perfectly good food chain the good Lord created. Everyone has the right to an opinion, and that’s mine on that! xoxo

Headache Wahala

2010-01-19T14:57:00.003-05:00

I have a mean ass headache. I'm trying to just take a nap but I can't fall asleep. Maybe I should just take a pill. Any recommendations? What cures your headache? Panadol or Tylenol or abi u know some strange ritual... Please suggestions welcomed. Come on I know u wanna play dokito sef.

Pokemon

2010-01-16T21:26:00.003-05:00

Ten years ago, a new pack of pokemon cards gave my life meaning. you seriously couldn't tell me shit. I had a Charizard.

Ten years later, today, i still have that Charizard, but Pokemon cards don't define my life the way they once did. I have learned that like a new pack of pokemon cards, we are put on earth-- some of us as Charizards and the rest of us lowly charmanders-- to evolve into the great pokemon we were all destined to become.. 2009 was a year of substantial evolving for me.

In May, i graduated from high school... barely... i slacked a little too much for MSMS. And i am thankful those people tolerated me. i probably woulda been back at Holly High w/ my black hoodie hustlin hot cheetos and caprisans, 2 for a dollar. holla atcha boi. Thankfully, After graduation, i had around 11 schools across the US to choose from, all full rides, but i ended up at olemiss. . . .

i cant say i developed much academically at MSMS my senior year, but i sure in hell did grow as an individual. and i was a pretty naked individual- emotionally. i was clothed in ignorance , polished by unfavorable trends, perfumed with bad attitude- and how i stunk. i was exaggerating quite a bit. i wasnt really that kind of person. but the point is , i wasnt who i am today.

It was then when i became aware of how indifferent society truly is to us individuals.. That no one one truly gives a damn about you unless you show how much you care for them. would i be better off in NYC? or Los Angeles? ... how i really wanted to go to those places... but my teachers exposed the embarrassing truth through calm, but persuasive explanations .. "truth is ,no matter where you go, you still have to find out who you are and what your purpose is...." later i figured that a place like NYC would probably make it more difficult; you have so many distractions from 'yourself'- this hinders self development. you get me? but Mississippi is ok afterall , i guess... milk is cheap, big booty girls are plenty, and taxes are low.

Its kinda funny that its like this, but it's become evident: How we think people see us is how we began to see ourselves. those collected judgments become the self-image we work towards.. for example... somebody told Gucci Mane they understood him when he talks, so. he sold a record. brrrh. somebody told soulja boy his new shoes were tite, so he starts sellin them? lol.. ughh.

finally, i have learned that you aint NOTHING without NOBODY. imma say it again : NOTHING without NOBODY. i know the grammar is wrong, 'bt hlf ov yal wnt evn knw bcuz u tlk lke dis Newyz'. Everything i have or know is because of someone else. and there's not much i can do in this world on my own. Doesn't matter how smart people say i am ,how funny i can be, how handsome they say i look (lol)... YOU NEED OTHER PEOPLE to make it in this world. Respect people whether they are above or below you socially. FORGIVE and just let shit go...

remember :

Don't carry all that extra baggage with you on the road to success; it's not only emotionally heavy, but it mentally slows the trip. Negative people or other unfortunate events will jump out at you like rape charges on Rkelly. But you're too good to fall for this kind of stuff.. but When it's all said and done, you can find me at the airport. My ticket's been purchased- and I'm headed to the top.

Hop in your jets; start your engines...

I'll race you there

I hope you guys enjoyed reading that as much as I did. It was written as an end of the year note on Facebook by an acquaintance. I hope you can at least get something out of it. Okay this is lazy blogging I'm already so busy with school and haven't been able to be on here.

Farewell Thee Well

2010-01-11T15:13:00.003-05:00

So I'm back to school. I'm excited to be back but I wish my break was a little longer. I just bought new laptop and it's nicer than the one I had before except the space button has an irritating tap sound when I press it. First day of classes went pretty good. I like the classes I had. I went to a funeral some days ago and I was pretty close to the person so I spoke. Here's what I wrote. I took a couple of stuff out because it's pretty personal. I'm not quite sure yet why I'm sharing this but here it is.

This is one thing I wished I never had to write. I couldn’t have imagined this happening in a million years. People die all the time but no one should have to pass this way. But what hurts me the most is that she had a life full of potential and the beginning of happiness. She wasn’t the best person in the world but was always true to herself. I don’t think I fully understood her ways till she passed. From the womb she was unwanted. Those who were supposed to take care of her and be responsible for her failed her. She lost trust in people and rarely let people in. She worked extremely hard because she never wanted to depend on anyone. It might look like she had a terrible life but she didn’t. Later in her short life she was able to meet amazing people like my mother, her siblings, her friends and her husband. She was able to let these people in and she let them love her. She was able to shed her exterior and be vulnerable with them. Personally, I will miss her. I’m still hoping that she’ll come knocking the door bringing us fried rice. I’ll miss the TV shows and artists she introduced me to when I first came to the US. Every time there’s an award show, I’ll always think of her. I’ll miss how comfortable she was with herself. I’ll miss the way she talks. I’ll miss seeing her in her different hairstyles and clothes. I’ll miss seeing the whimsical relationship between my mother and her. They had a special relationship I don’t think anyone can fully understand. She was full of life. She had a great presence. I’m deeply saddened but knowing her she’ll want me and all of us to stay strong.

Goodbyes are not forever.

Goodbyes are not the end.

They simply mean I'll miss you

Until we meet again!

~Author Unknown

The Broken Chain

by Unknown

We little knew that morning that

God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly,

in death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

the day God called you home.

You left us peaceful memories,

your love is still our guide;

and though we cannot see you,

you are always at our side.

Our Family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same;

but as God calls us one by one,

the Chain will link again.

If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

Gone yet not forgotten,

Although we are apart,

Your spirit lives within me,

Forever in my heart.

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway

and thoughts a memory lane

I'd walk right up to heaven

and bring you home again

No Farewell words were spoken

No time to say good-bye

You were gone before I knew it

And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness

And secret tears still flow

What it meant to lose you

No one can ever know.

But now I know you want us

To mourn for you no more

To remember all the happy times

Life still has much in store.

You'll never be forgotten

I pledge to you today

Last semester I didn't update my blog at all and here I am the first day of the semester already blogging. So proud of myself!

Today in my reading Islam class, the American professor was asking us where we were from and for the first time in my life I felt weird to say I was Nigerian because I might be seen as a terrorist. I'm used to the Nigerians are frauds or the Africans live in the jungle stereotype but now I have to worry about being seen as a terrorist? Damn. Thanks for the twitter feedback. I'm gonna stick with facebook and blogger for now and see how my semester goes before I join.

Twitter!

2010-01-04T00:30:00.001-05:00

Twitter! So a lot of my friends are on twitter but I'm not. Social networking sites are addicting and I don't know if I want to get into any other time consuming stuff. I know a lot of bloggers are on twitter so I'm thinking about getting one. How do you like it and what are the pros and cons? Do you use your blogger name? Do you just use it to communicate with other bloggers or is it your real identity with real life people and bloggers mixed together? I think this is enough questions. lol. Your responses will be helpful and thanks in advance. ;-)

Happy New Year! Someone close to me passed away before the new year so mine wasn't so happy but I'm hoping two thousand and ten or 20-10 (as some people say) turns out to be much better for me. And for you as well!

Always

2009-12-29T03:52:00.001-05:00

I try so hard to not
To not think of you and of us
What we could be but what we will never be
My heart can't seem to ever stop wanting you
I feel like you wanted me too but you were just scared
But then I don't know if the way you felt about me is just something I've made up in my mind
You don't make it easy to stop caring about you
You're still the same person that I care for maybe even a better person than before
I try so hard to not think of a "us"
I try to be mean and rude to you, hoping that it will make the feelings go away
It doesn't.
It just makes me feel bad later that I was like that to you
I try not to be friends but it never works because if there can't be a "us" I still don't want to lose you
You're too great to not have you in my life at all
And sometimes I wonder if that's the same way you feel about me or if it's just what I've made up in my mind.
If you feel the same way as I do then we should both be remorseful.
We were both being cowards.
If we both had enough courage who knows what beautiful thing we could have right now.
I always knew if there was ever going to be a "us" it would never come easy.
I knew we would have to fight a lot things to have it.
I guess we both weren't brave enough to fight the fight.
Instead we settled to being friends but it cost us a lot.
But maybe I'm just making this all up in my mind.
Maybe you don't even feel anything for me other than being friends.
Maybe when you look in my eyes you just see a great friend.
But when I look into your eyes I see that and more.
I see a what could have been. I see someone incredible which my heart beats faster for but my lips aren't strong enough to describe those feelings to.
Sometimes I wish I have what you have now.
It's not even fair.
You've found love.
I find it difficult to see how that could be the love for you.
All I know is that it might be great love but it can never amount to anything that we could have had.
My heart is heavy because I know what will never be.
I sometimes say these subliminal remarks to you that you're not special, etc
But it's out of hurt
Because I wish you were my special someone
But I know it won't be...
We're courageous people but not when it comes to our hearts
We don't wear our hearts on our sleeves
We lost a lot but it feels like I've lost more
Which is why I sometimes get upset at you
You've found love that might not be as great as ours could have been but is still great
I may never or maybe I will and It won't satisfy me because I'll compare it to the "us" that isn't
Then I think to myself that maybe you never even had feelings for me
This also gets me angry at you
I think about how I feel strongly about you and there's not even an ounce of that for me from you.
Then I wish we were at least brave enough to talk openly about feelings or no feelings
I wish I knew so that at least I know that it wasn't just me or that it was just me
It hurts either way.
I guess you're that part of me that's difficult to control or I guess controllable
You'll continue to be my weakness until I volunteer my heart to be open to tell you how I feel
But if my heart is ready to speak but yours is still closed up then we won't be able to talk openly
For now till then, I stay hurt and tied and you continue to be my weakness.

Macy Gray's "I Try" on repeat while I'm writing this. You'll probably think I'm odd and give me that look for listening to this but I love it when you do that.

This is something I wrote a while back when I was feeling some type of way. I was reading on someone's blog about how we'll feel when we look back on what we wrote when we were younger. I went back and read some of my writings and found this. Silly high school love. We're still friends and he's a great person but looking back now, we wouldn't work. It's sort of choppy but I was just writing how I felt and didn't really care about writing coherently.

Lol at everyone's take on the Nigerian terrorist. Much have been said and I don't really have much to add just a sad and terrible situation overall.

My Music in '09

2009-12-21T23:06:00.002-05:00

As the year is ending, I’ve got a lot of things on my mind. Oh man D’banj is still the sexiest Nigerian artist out there. Like the guy just screams sex appeal to me. He knows how to entertain. I still haven’t listened to 9ice’s new songs. I guess I have a feeling it won’t be good as the last so I’m trying to avoid it for a while. This year hasn’t been the easiest year for me but thank God for Asa’s song “Jailer” for getting me through some of my rebellious moments. 2face keeps losing my interest but oh my P-Square is no doubt my favorite Igbo guys. It seems like all their songs are just too much. Honoroble mention this year goes to M.I. and Wande Coal. My song for the year though is actually not by a Nigerian artist. It’s Rihanna’s “Russian Roulette.” It’s not my favorite song of the year but if I had to pick a song that sums up my feeling this year it would be that song. This year was pretty intense for me with some serious family issues that really felt like an explosive game of Russian roulette. My heart was beating, you could see it through my chest, I was terrified but I didn’t leave. I pulled the trigger as my life flashed through my eyes. Well I’m still here and you know how Russian roulette goes. But you should have seen my heart beating…
My favorite artist of the year undoubtedly is K’naan. I actually discovered him some years ago when I was reading someone’s blog and his video “Struggling” was posted. I was curious to see the interpretation of struggling in other parts of Africa so I clicked on the video. I fell in love with his music and I’ve been hooked since then. I would listen to his album, “the Dusty Foot Philosopher” everyday on my way from school. This year his album “Troubadour” came out and he didn’t disappoint.
So this post was supposed to be me reflecting on 2009 but somehow it turned to music. Lol. I guess it’s still somewhat of a reflection. I’m still tryna get back on this blogging flow but I’m discovering some wonderful blogs along the way.

Somalia

15 Minutes Away (all Nigerians should relate to this song about Western Union) :)

Back From Long Vacation

2009-12-21T01:38:00.000-05:00

Hello Bloggsville!!! I hope you haven't completely forgotten about me. If you have I'm sorry abeg accept my apology. Don't blame me too much it's the college life that got to me. My last post was the day before my semester started and now my semester has ended. Time Flies! As for my last post no one named the right city. I kinda don't even wanna say what city I'm in anymore it's somewhere in the east coast of America though lol.
For those new to my blog and for those whose memories need some refreshing, my name is Suru. I'm now a freshman in a university in the US. I'm a Nigerian and was raised there for a little more than half my life. So yeah that's enough about me for now.
Yikes! I know I’m gonna have so many blogs to read and catch up on.
College has been a blast! I have some crazy stories that I'm excited to tell. Types of stories I hope my mom never finds out about because she'll be too shocked. But don't worry they’re mostly about other people not me. I've been a good girl hehe.
I can’t believe the year is ending! Last year I wrote a year-end reflection letter to myself and I think everyone should do the same this year. I really don’t know what to blog about lol. It’s kind of a weird feeling starting this thing again especially since I had only being on here for a couple of months before I started school.
Random Ish I guess…
Currently listening to Beyonce’s “Flaws and All”
Thinking about starting a business, it’s ambitious but doable, but I’m young so I hope I’m taken seriously.
In a melancholy mood and have a minor headache.
Met a guy yesterday, he got my number hasn’t text me which is a first for me I guess I got a tiny taste of my own medicine of breaking hearts. That’s not why I’m feeling melancholy btw. lol
I really, really wanna go to London actually Nigeria but I’ve settled for London right now since the ticket is cheaper… maybe during spring break.
Hmm I guess my mood is affecting my post. It feels like a drag so I’m just gonna end it here and go read some of your posts. Maybe that will cheer me up.
Anyways Bloggsville I’M BACK and here to stay. How is everyone? Did anyone else experience a snowstorm or anything interesting lately? lol

I'm So Excited, I Can't Deny It...

2009-08-28T14:45:00.001-04:00

It's been over a week since I've been on here. I've been really busy and I also went away for a couple of days to one of my cousin's house. I'm going to college tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited. I'm all packed. Well almost I'm still doing some laundry. There's so many blogs to catch up on. It's gonna take some days especially since I'll be in a new school and environment but I love reading blogs so whatever it takes I'm gonna read them all lol.

About the nanny someone found one for my mom. I guess we'll just have to try it to see how it works out. Speaking of my mom, my entire family went to Six Flags three weeks ago and you should've seen her. For those who don't know, Six Flags is an amusement park with rides and games. I go there for the rollercoasters but since I was going with my fam I had to go on some kiddy rides. My mom was too scared to go on any of the rides, so she mostly sat waiting for us. My little sis wanted to go on the spinning teacups and my mom actually agreed to join us. This woman didn't even want to go on the slowass ferry wheel but she wanted to try something that was spinning. When the teacups started spinning, her eyes got big and she said, ye Suru what is this? Why is it spinning like this? Jesus Christ a person with hypertension should not go on this ride. I said mommy just close your eyes. She goes, Suru so you're telling me you and your brothers have been going on crazy things like this all day. Yes Mommy this one is the slowest one we've been on. I'm just laughing my ass off watching mommy close her eyes, and tighten her body. If you saw her you would have thought that the teacup was spinning at 200mph. I love my mommy but it was a bit embarrassing since other people were watching her act like this. You should’ve seen their faces they didn't know what was going on.

PS: can anyone guess what city my awesome college is at. Even if you don't know that many US cities just guess.

HInt: My buddy O and I are gonna be chillin in this city lol

Current Thoughts

2009-08-21T03:02:00.006-04:00

Look at this monk. This picture isn't Photoshopped. This can be mastered through some type of meditation. I don't know what it's called. Pretty cool pic tho

Here's a video of miss universe contestants dancing in the Bahamas. You can see Ms. Nigeria shaking what her mama gave her in .39secs. These ladies know how to get loose.

My mommy is thinking about hiring a nanny. As in one of these illegal immigrants women to help take care of my siblings when I'm gone. What do you guys think. I think it'll be helpful but I don't know how I feel about some stranger in our house. What to do, what to do? Momma has to work and they're too young to be by themselves.

I have some sad news.... I burned myself! Ugh I don't know what's wrong with me I'm always burning myself or burning something. One time I almost burnt down our old place. We used to live in an apartment and my mom told me she was going to the basement to do laundry. I was supposed to watch the food. I went into my room to watch TV and I forgot about the food. It burnt and burnt and burnt and I didn't smell it. The alarm sounded for the entire building and I didn't know it was because of me. As I came outside the room, I saw my mom and some firefighters. She just kept asking me, How could you not smell it when I could smell it aaaaaaaaall the way from the elevator? How could you not smell? Oh Shit! (that's my mom's usual curse word) Suru, how could you not smell it? I probably deserved a slap for that one but I really didn't smell anything. Anyways, I was making pancakes and I accidentally touched the pan with the back of my hand. I don't even know how I did that. But that's how I burned myself and I have a burnt scar in the shape of a cute capital L. I guess it's not that bad.

College Here I Come

2009-08-20T02:23:00.002-04:00

I'm heading to college August 29!!!! It's my first year so I'm super excited. I'm already in love with my college. It's in a GREAT city. Honestly I think I'm loving the city more than the college. This sounds kinda perfect right? It's not.

Problema una: Minority Status. Even though technically I'm a minority in the US, I've never felt like one. Until Now. My college has about 8% blacks and 8% hispanics. I'm used to having mostly blacks and hispanics in my school so I know the adjustment is gonna be a litlle difficult. It's also a rich school and there's a lot of snobby kids. FML I can't stand people who think they're better than everyone else just because they have money.

Problema Dos: Mommy. I'm going out of state and she's freaking out. Her first child going away. This woman told me that I have to come home on the weekends so I can take some soup and garri since I won't be able to cook. Poor mommy is already missing me. She said she doesn't know what she's gonna do without me. She's also a single mom so it's gonna be harder for her raising my siblings without me there. I think she's gonna cry that day. awwwww

Problema Tres: I'm currently Undecided. When I was little I wanted to be a doctor. When I got older I realized how much I didn't like science. All that biology, chemistry stuff made my head hurt. I didn't want to spend that many years in school either. It was the idea of helping people that I liked but not the work. I'm now really really interested in International Affairs. When I told my mom she made sure the entire world knew. Everyone I know including my pastor talked to me advising me telling me that I'm making a mistake by not doing something in the science field. The thing is they just annoy me and don't change my opinion. I know I'm taking a risk, but I'll be fine. Not every Nigerian has to be a nurse or a doctor.

I'm using my mom's laptop which is hindering my creativity since it doesn't feel like mine. Sorry if this post sucks lol I do appreciate those who read and those who comment on my blog. Gracias!

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

-Gavin DeGraw's "I don't wanna be"

AHH! Wonders Shall Never End

2009-08-18T00:34:00.002-04:00

Hey! I hope everyone had a great weekend like I did. I saw someone I hadn’t seen in while. I remember when something happened she always said AHH! Wonders shall never end. If she heard a gist she said AHH! Wonders shall never end. It didn’t matter if you were speaking Yoruba or English she always replied with AHH! Wonders shall never end. Well you get the point. So this weekend I heard about something that made me go AHH! Wonders shall never end. On Sunday I went to a birthday party for someone in my church. God please forgive me o because I didn’t go to church that day but I went to the party. I saw this man that used to attend my church so it made me wonder why he stopped coming. When I got home I asked my mom and boy was I shocked by the reason. It turns out he and his wife got into a nasty divorce. His wife, aunty Tosin seemed like such a devout Christian. When I was taking this 3 month baptismal class she was my teacher. The class was mostly youth girls and she would always tell us that we’re not supposed to have boyfriends. She said it was not only a sin to have sex but to kiss. So when we asked her how we were supposed to find a husband aunty Tosin said we just have to pray on it. If we continue to pray for a husband then God will reveal him to us. In my head I was thinking okay so a face will just appear in my head and I’ll just know that’s my husband abi? No dating no nothing. Okay then. Aunty Tosin was pretty much our Christian mentor even after we got baptized and graduated from her class. So when I heard she was divorced especially from such a great man I couldn’t understand what could have cause it. Aunty Tosin’s husband, Uncle Solomon, told my mom that ever since she finished nursing school, his wife changed. Here was a man that not only paid the bills but also paid for her nursing school. Aunty Tosin had been cheating on him. She had a boyfriend and would go to a hotel with him and wouldn’t come home till late at night. When Uncle Solomon found out he forgave her. One day when he got home, she had changed all the locks in the house and called the police on him for harassment. She then filed for divorce. Uncle Solomon has been so depressed that he hasn’t been able to come to church. He also must be a little ashamed. He was advised to let her keep the house because she’ll probably win it court so he now lives in a one bedroom apartment in a not so nice area. The two of them didn’t have children. They were trying for years but no child. I don’t know which one of them couldn’t reproduce but I know usually in our culture they blame the women and send her packing and tell the man to marry another wife. Uncle Solomon never wanted to leave her and claims to have never cheated on her. Now you see why this story made me say AHH! Wonders shall never end.

Feeling Poetic

2009-08-14T00:18:00.004-04:00

I Shall Return

Cold holds me in a strong grip
As I sing this song in a strange land,
I don’t wake up to hear the cock crow
Nor do I hear the bleating of sheep
And the somber sound of the bull being led to slaughter at the market place

I can’t see the Egungun dancing
Nor do I hear the sweet sound of the dundun,
I don’t see a bistro to eat amala and assorted meat,
All I hear is “are you alright? ”.

Here dusk comes at 8 pm,
I can’t see children playing under the moonlight
I can’t feel the love that I grew up with
All I see is individualism

Last night I dreamt about my ancestors,
The living dead from Tede and Otu
Who urged me to return and feel the smell of my ancestral Vegetation
And commune with the living and the living dead

To you the living dead I owe this
No matter how sweet this journey is
I shall come back home

Return home I must
To share in the joy of the first harvest
To gyrate to the sweet sound of the bata
And to partake in bringing forth another dawn
By driving away the children of the dark.

NOTE: Egungun is a Yoruba word meaning masquerade. Amala is a Yoruba food prepared with yam flour. Bata and dundun are Yoruba drums.

I discovered this poem by Martin Ayanbare Ayankola in April when I was doing a poetry project. I wanted to right something about my culture but I wasn't doing it justice so I searched online and found some really nice poems.

Remembering Nigeria (I)

“Story, Story,”
STORY!
“Story, Story,”
STORY!
“There once lived a tortoise...”
Oh I wish I could go back to those days
When we children found joy sitting under the stars
Listening to fables told by sweet grandmothers

I wrote "Remembering Nigeria." It's not as good as "I Shall Return" but it was the best I could do. I still like it since its personal about my childhood with my grandmother.

I Remeber The Time Part Dos

2009-08-13T01:57:00.003-04:00

NO WAY!!! I've been active on here for a month and I've already been recognized. I'm one of Blogsville Gist's favorite newbie bloggers. Yay!!!!! Okay I think I'm being too giddy for 2am. For some reason I can't seem to be on here unless it's late. Anyways heres the continuation for "I remember the time" I don't know how to link it so just scroll down to read part one. :)

I kept checking that desk hoping the 10 naira would appear but it didn't. This girl (i don't remember her name and I don't even want to give her a name) was staring at me. I told her I couldn't find the money and she said it wasn't even her money. She said it was her moms and she'll be in trouble if she didn't get it back. I told her I'll bring the money to school the next day. (Back then I lived with my two young aunts and my uncle in Lagos in my stepdad's house. My mom and my stepdad were in the US.) After I ate dinner I heard my aunts saying that they were gonna be staying out late next week Monday so I might have to stay with one of their friends. They weren't talking to me though they were just discussing it.

The next day at school I saw this girl and fear catch me o. I forgot about this girl and her money. What was I going to do now? She asked for her money and I said I forgot but she should walk home with me to get it. As we got to the corner of my street I told her to wait there for me. When I got home I was too scared to ask my aunts for money so I just let the girl wait there for me and I never came back out. (Mistake #5 I should've just told the truth!!!) This girl too was ode I mean everyday after school we walked home together and she waited for me to come to the street corner and give her her money. But I never came. Then it was Monday.

It was after school and she started crying. She said if she didn't bring the money today that her mom was gonna kill her. I didn't know what to do so I freaked out. I told her I was gonna go home with her. Don't ask me what I was thinking 'cause I don't know. We're walking to her house and I have no idea where I am. Then I spot my aunt's friend's shop and I go in there. (this luck prob saved my life) I told this girl I was going in there to get money. I told my aunt's friend Rita that my aunts told me they were staying somewhere late and that I should come to her shop right after school. Rita bought the story and said I could sit in her shop.

Long story short, everyone and their mama went around Lagos looking for me. My step-grandma went to one of those babalawos (idol worshippers) and asked him about my future. Was it that serious? He said it would be difficult but with a positive outcome. Around 8pm Rita decided to take me home to see if anyone was there. As I entered the house my heart dropped thinking I was in so much trouble. My stepgrandma asked me where I was so I lied and said my aunts told me to go to their friends house after school. My aunts who were about 19 and 21 got in so much trouble. After that school year I was sent to go live with my grandmother in our hometown. My aunts thought it was their fault and I never told anyone the truth. The girl never got her money unless she did steal it which I think she did but who knows? If she didn't then mehn I feel sorry for that girl I mean waiting everyday after school for 10 naira that's serious.

But the question is why did I ever lie in the first place? Why did I ever tell the girl I could get her superglue? What if I had went to her house? I can't even imagine what could have happened to me. Moral of the story is never tell a lie it could lead to you been sent to a small town. lol

BTW currently reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley it's really good so far.

Late Night Blogging

2009-08-10T00:16:00.000-04:00

This blogging thing is not as easy as I thought it would be. It's like moving to a new country where you don't really know anyone and you hope you can somehow learn your way around quickly so you can fit in. I'm gonna try to randomly say what's on my mind right now.

1. I'm on my laptop and my tv is also on. I'm seeing this fake pastor promoting his miracle spring water while mostly black women are getting up supposedly being instantly healed of their aches and sicknesses etc so I'm thinking if I buy this water and I'm not healed of this acne that's on my face can I sue? I mean this is America... lol

2. I wish someone would just list some blogs that I should definitely check out there are so many blogs I wanna start with the good ones but Idk what those are.

3. I really want a new laptop damn maybe I should have went to church on Sunday to pray on it.

4. My mom came home today with seven shirts of Michael Jackson. I knew she was a fan but damn and she wore one of them to work AND she's saving one of them to wear to Nigeria.

5. I don't really write with commas. I would rather just put a period.

6. I feel bad for overweight people lol seriously I do. It's like there's so many situations I've witnessed that just makes things uncomfortable when you're overweight. I'm a US size 0/1 and when I'm at a McDonalds stuffing my face no one really cares but for an overweight person people just make faces or make comments to their friends.

7. I have become a reality show junkie this summer. I guess they've become my guilty pleasures. So I was excited for Koko Mansion but what kind of nonsense show was that? Reality TVs are train wrecks but this was a train wreck I didn't mind not looking at.

That's enough randomness for now... I'll continue my "I remember The Time" story later... The ending is really good as in a babalawo got involved see me see trouble o lol and it's a true story btw :)

I Remember The Time

2009-08-07T00:32:00.000-04:00

School is always interesting especially in Nigeria. When I was about 7, I found one of my uncle's superglue and I took it to school. I thought it was cool and I was showing it to people. Everyone was amazed and you know as a kid it doesn't take much to amaze us. This girl asked me where I got it from and I said it was mine that I got it from a store. (Mistake #1 Did I forget lying is a sin?) The girl asked me to buy her one at that store. I agreed (Mistake #2 especially since I didn't even know what store sold superglue). Then the girl asked me how much it cost so she could give me money and I said it was 10 naira. (Mistake #3 especially since I didn't really know how much super glue cost. What did this girl want to do with superglue anyway? Maybe smell it and put it on my thumb which was what I loved doing with it. The girl gave me the money right there on the spot in the classroom and immediately I put the money in my desk. (Mistake #4 was I so naive to think that it was safe there?) After lunch and recess aka the place where I once injured myself, we came back to the classroom and the girl said she didn't want to buy superglue anymore. She told me to give her her money back. I smiled inside and quickly went inside my desk to get the money. At that moment I thought tank you Jesus u don save me from dis girl for I no no where I go they find super glue.(sorry my pigden sucks since there's no one I ever had to speak it to but i sabi pidgen well well It's just not the same when I speak it). I put my hand inside my desk and I felt no money.O God I bent down and looked in there and still no money. Ah Chineke my mind is racing. I turn to the girl and she's staring me down waiting for her money and quickly I knew what happened. Ole! Who stole that damn money? The answer seemed obvious but with the drama that continued with this girl whom I barely knew the answer to that question is... to be continued I gots to get some sleep I'm waking up extra early tomorrow and this is getting long. I'm still jamming to MJ songs btw lol

I am not my hair

2009-08-05T02:15:00.000-04:00

If you haven't seen this already here is a preview to Chris Rock's upcoming documentary called "Good Hair."

I don't know what to make of it completely but I definitely want to watch it. It's crazy because I've actually been having problems with my own hair lately. I have this urge to shave it off. It's something I've always wanted to do but I'm just waiting for the right time. I just feel like starting over and make better decisions with what I do with my hair you know? I've never been a slave to weaves or relaxers (even tho I use them sometimes) but I don't want to have to use them ever. I know some people might not agree with me but as a whole I think we look down on our afro hair when it should empower us. It's different and we can do things with it that other races can't easily do with their hair. Black is beautiful. Let's embrace our hair. I'm not saying we shouldn't put chemicals in our hair but too many of us are too dependent on them.... Well I can't wait to see this documentary and hopefully it brings a change to how we treat our hair. Hopefully black girls will learn to love their natural hair. Hopefully someday my little sister will no longer look in the mirror and say I want my hair to look straight and nice like the girl on tv.

BTW if you're trying to grow your hair or you have breakage or you just have any questions about your hair, these two websites are amazing! Plus a lot of the members have websites that show personally what they do and stuff.

http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/index.php

One of many of my favorite songs by India.Arie

So Please Don't Mess Up The Trick...

2009-08-03T02:27:00.000-04:00

“Hey young world! I’m the new Slick Rick” – I’m still not tired of hearing Knock You Down on the radio.
Michael Jackson. I like the countless people in the world grew up loving Michael. His music, his dances, his outfits were genius. But please media let this man rest in peace! Every time I see MJ on tv I quickly turn away because I just can’t stand to hear these controversies about his death. Let the man rest and let his family mourn and move on in peace. I love you MJ!!! I felt like more than a fan because I felt sort of close to you like I knew you…

Michael Jackson sung the words, “it don’t matter if you’re black or white.” And the truth is it really shouldn’t matter but in this world it sadly does. I’m not even talking about differences in races or racism, I’m just talking about skin color. A lot of dark-skinned people bleach their skin. Why do people put all of those chemicals on their skin just to make it lighter? Why can’t they just be happy with what they have? At first I looked at it as a white supremacy thing. You know that whites are supposed to be superior to other races. Especially since it’s not only blacks that do it, I know for a fact Indians also do it. But then I realized that whites do just the same thing. No not bleaching their skin but darkening their skin. They also go through dangerous lengths to change their skin color. They tan in the sun or in tanning booths or spraying things on their skin. What would be their excuse for wanting to change their appearance? So back to my main question, why can’t people be happy with what they have? I mean we’ve all been self-conscious about the way we look but trying to alter your skin color just seems really disturbing. I feel like we all have different skin color for a reason and we should start complimenting each other and appreciate each other. So my advice is tell a friend how beautiful his or her complexion is. It might not work but it doesn’t hurt to give compliments.

Writer's Block Already?

2009-07-30T00:43:00.001-04:00

I was so excited to create a blog and I couldn't wait to start writing. Then when I tried writing I couldn't. Nothing was coming to me. Writer's block already? I realized that the problem was that I was afraid of exposing too much. I was afraid that I'll write something that will reveal my identity or that I'll become famous someday and someone will try to use something on this blog against me. I've thought about it for some days now and I don't care. I don't care if my identity is revealed although I would like it not to be. I want to be as open as possible, as long as I don't say anything too revealing which I don't think I will. So here it goes, here are some things about me. My name is Suru. I am Nigerian and proud. I'm eighteen years old and starting college in the fall. I'm so excited and can't wait. I live somewhere in the USA. I speak Yoruba, English and a bit of Spanish. A lot of people say I'm more mature than my age. That's all I'm revealing for now =)

In the beginning

2009-07-21T16:16:00.000-04:00

I’m here to give this blogging thing a try. I want it to be a learning experience for us all. I hope to make you laugh and think. Cry and dream. I don’t know really know what I’m going to be writing about but I hope it catches the attention of everyone. Different people, from different places. Is that too much to dream for?